Wednesday, December 19, 2007

This just in: I'm Old

Birthdays sure are an interesting day. Some people take the day off from work, but not me. I'm just another year older, what's the big deal? I don't expect preferential treatment, massages, or scantily-clad women fanning me with palm fronds. A simple "Happy Birthday" would suffice. Needless to say, The Wife nearly went through the entire day before realizing she hadn't uttered the words my ears were aching to hear.

We had chicken nuggets for dinner. With fresh (from a can) green beans and lemonade (also fresh from a can). I got Hallmark eCards from Siblings Who Care (no, that's not sarcasm). I got a Shark Balloon which has caused a giant rift in previously amorous sibling relationships. Toddlers can be so petty. To those who consider themselves on-scale with Prince or He Who Was Formerly Known as Prince, this might sound like a pretty lame birthday. I, however, was very content to enjoy the day and relax as much as possible without melting into a useless puddle.

My wholehearted dedication to Consumerism and the American Way makes it hard for The Wife to find gifts for me. I could be described as a compulsive consumer, but I'm working on that. Several years ago I bought the Band of Brothers DVD set 2 weeks before my birthday after pouring copious amounts of praise and making known my desire to watch and own it. When I unwrapped the very same set she got me for my birthday, I acted surprised and overjoyed. Why oh why did I immediately tell her I had just bought it? It was even in my desk at work, unopened... I've learned my lesson, at any rate!

This year, she got me a wood chisel and a gift card to The Home Depot (but, we're Renters!) as encouragement for me to start carving the lump of wood Dad-in-Law gave me. He just called to warn me that the other Lump of Wood split into pieces when he left it on the lathe. Sounds like a job for some safety goggles!

The downside of the whole day was that I was entering into a new decade. The giant 3 and 0 taunted me with jeers of "Ha! We got you now, Old Man!" just before they clobbered my right knee with a lead pipe. Even everyone around me joined in. Supposedly 31 is better than 30. Is is true, Audrey?


Alissa said...

i'm sorry i'm a bad wife!!!

Beverly said...

Hey, Happy belated Birthday!
Wow, you've left your twenties huh? no more young and reckless, time to settle down and start learning the art of whittling.
btw, we were in St. Augustine in April! It is a great little town. We didn't get to see much of it cause we spent most of our day at the alligator farm. also pretty cool.

Brian said...

Dude, 30 is no big deal, just another year.